☺”I love restaurants, and that’s the thing they always boast about now, restaurants-home made cooking! I don’t want homemade cooking, that’s why I’m here, ‘cos I don’t like the s**t at home! And they don’t say who’s home it is, do they! Could be a mental home, couldn’t it?”
☺” We get completely lost driving in, and we asked the way. Why is it that when you ask for directions you always get the village–f**king-idiot?”
☺” I love kebabs. They give you all that meat, that saturated fat, and they give you that little bit of salad. What’s that, the healthy section? Never see a drunk do that, do you? ‘Where’s me salad! What are you trying to do, kill me?
☺” I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ‘may contain nuts’. Well f**king YES! That’s what I bought the buggers for! You’d be pissed off if you opened it and a socket set fell out!”
☺” Old people can’t fall asleep in their chair in peace. As soon as they start to nod of you go,
“They go, ‘What? What?’
“Oh sorry we just thought you di….”
☺” I tried water polo and my horse drowned….that was a nightmare.”
☺”They always say the same thing. They say, ‘Your appointment is at four,” and its never at four! You go down there at four and you have to wait in that waiting room with all the coughers for another bloody hour. You know when the doctor comes out at five and he’ll say, ‘I’ll see you now’. “No you bloody won’t! I’ve got a few more posters to read yet! Sit the f**k down!”
☺”We used to do mad stuff, as kids. Like lick a battery. What the f**k was that? You used to be like, ‘John! John! Watch!
“F**k, you just had a stroke.”
“I know!”
“Do it again!”
“I was gonna!”
No comments:
Post a Comment